Todd Maternowski @ToddMaternowski
Winner of "America's Most Obscure Author", ten years running! wild-ink.net Dallas, TX Joined May 2009-
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Followers2K
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Following92
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Likes301K
Todd Maternowski retweeted
Once you earn a white boy’s trust you may feed him popcorn shrimp right out of your hand
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Todd Maternowski retweeted
Eye of the Tiger plays as I walk into Golden Corral
Todd Maternowski retweeted
You live in Texas? With the chainsaw massacres?
@chris_kratovil Staubach and Aikman had top-five defenses. Romo and Dak have 11 grey-and-blue traffic cones protecting their leads.
Todd Maternowski retweeted
Never out of the question for me to call a girl I’m flirting with “hoss”
Todd Maternowski retweeted
RFK explaining to libtards that red 40 makes you gay
Todd Maternowski retweeted
instagram be recommending you follow the nigga you killed in 2014
@RonFilipkowski You're forgetting to include the 45 million illegal immigrants in South Carolina who always stuff the ballot box for the Democrats.
Todd Maternowski retweeted
Hitting your butler increases his speed by 10%
Todd Maternowski retweeted
the other men in the office don't respect me because i close doors by bumping them with my hips and ass
Todd Maternowski retweeted
The connoisseur
Todd Maternowski retweeted
Having sex is like riding a bike — sometimes you get your pant leg caught in the chain and crash into Randy’s mailbox.
Todd Maternowski retweeted
"Hey! Any of you cats mind a groove?"
Todd Maternowski retweeted
You can smoke closer to gas pumps than they lead you to believe
@matthewstoller It's legally only corruption if the bags of cash are labeled as BRIBES in NYT font
Todd Maternowski retweeted
Face I make when someone says “seize him”
@kaylaguo_ @RenzoDowney @TexasTribune Maybe he can join the Log Cabin Republicans.
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